Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
