I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
