my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
