porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize