just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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