Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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