girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
