I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
