I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
