What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
