I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
