I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
