it's like heaven, but drunker
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize