Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
