And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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