Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
