you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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