How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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