Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize