you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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