Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
