I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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