So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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