I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
