I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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