I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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