I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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