so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My ass is underappreciated
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
