3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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