I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
