$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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