just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish my penis had an off switch
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sex in a hospital.. check
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
