She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
