Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
