Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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