I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
