i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
