Jerry, you need to find god
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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