Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
