That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
