1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
