I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
