We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
