you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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