Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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