i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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