Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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