she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
