Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
