I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
