Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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