He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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