You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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