First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
