Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
