I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
