I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
