Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
