You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
