They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
