he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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