I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think your dad took our porno
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
