Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
