just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
