Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
