Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
